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by dodo3000



Category: Phan, Phandom, Scarlett Johansson - Fandom
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-24 15:18:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3773518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dodo3000/pseuds/dodo3000
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After years of absence, Dan finally returns to Phil. But things aren't as he had imagined they would be..</p>
            </blockquote>





	Back

The pink light of evening laid a peaceful glow on the suburban neighborhood. Light reflected from the windows of houses, some of them open because of the summer warmth, the faint sound of TVs and people chatting coming from inside. But as Dan got out of the car, he began to shake. How many years was it since he last saw Phil? He slowly counted and felt the familiar pull of procrastination holding him back from doing it. But eventually he concluded it had been 7 years. 

“Get it together, Dan”, he told himself and tried in vain to keep his composure. 

“Are you okay, dear?” came the soothing voice of his attractive, movie star ex-girlfriend who he’d desperately tried to love for three of those years. “I am”, he replied, as her soft hand intertwined with his. 

A blackbird chirped from a roof beside them. Scarlett closed the the doors of their, or rather her, black Jag. Slowly they walked towards Phil’s house. 

“Daddy! Look, I am a lion! Rawwwr!” came the voice of a small child from behind the fence of Phil’s garden. Dan turned around and wanted to walk back to the car and drive far, far away or rather just vanish from the earth but Scarlett stopped him and made him turn back to Phil’s closed garden door. Scarlett opened it.

“Hello there”, she said as she smiled at a Phil who still looked identical to the man Dan remembered, although he had deeper circles under his eyes and walked a little more crooked than before, if only slightly. 

“Look Chelsea! It’s Scarlett Johansson, from the Avengers!” Phil said to his daughter and she ran up to Scarlett and shook hands. She didn’t even look at Dan and pulled Scarlett up to a pile of toys and plushies she was playing with. Dan was still standing in the doorway of the garden fence. 

“Hi Dan”, Phil said in a deep voice, taking in Dan’s form after all that time. Dan had changed a lot. His face was a lot more gaunt and his hair was curly, wild. But he still wore all black and he was biting his chapped lips like he always did. 

Dan felt dizzy. “..hi” he said in a whisper. 

“So after seven years you decided to visit?” Phil said matter of factly but Dan could hear the pent up frustration in his voice. 

“Well, it was Scarlett’s idea really”, Dan said. He was already regretting this. How long could he keep himself from having a break down? Phil's had a wife and was happy. He even had a child now! He had a family life, something Dan could have never given him.

“Do you want to come in or not?” Phil asked, annoyed. Dan shuffeled inside and closed the door behind him. He felt overwhelmed. He had tried for so long to forget about Phil. He felt like he shouldn’t intrude in Phil's family life. That had been the reason he had left. Fled. Left the country, the continent, his YouTube career. He’d gone to America to pursue acting, all in vain. He’d ended up in a dull but stressful production assistant position he loathed. He met lots of actors though, and Scarlett, beyond all reason and sanity, had chosen him as her own. But even she wasn’t able to get Phil off Dan’s mind.

Scarlett had fallen asleep on the couch and Chelsea was sleeping upstairs. Dinner had been awkward and Scarlett had done most of the talking. Dan and Phil now sat at the kitchen table. Being alone in the room made things ten times worse. Dan felt an agonizing pull towards Phil but he couldn't move. Phil's side was not his place anymore. 

“Where is Louise anyway?” Dan asked. He found it a bit strange that she wasn’t there. 

Suddenly Phil stood up from the kitchen table. “Really?!” he spat. 

“What?” Dan asked, not yet realizing but he felt adrenaline rise in his chest. 

“Have you not followed me on twitter, have you not watched my YouTube videos, all these years? Not even once?!” Phil was glaring at his former soul mate. 

“I.. I couldn’t, Phil”. Dan felt the tears rolling down his cheeks. Damnit, why was he such a wuss?! He took a deep breath, and said “I- I had to fight every day not to run straight back to you. I had to cut you out of my life entirely. I couldn’t see your face. It hurt too much, Phil”. He looked up at Phil, desperately. Why was Phil so upset? 

“It hurt YOU too much?! What did you think I FELT when you suddenly left and never responded to any of my attempts to contact you?! I was broken, Dan! I was depressed for a long time”. 

“I’m sorry!” Dan wailed. Had Phil really missed him? But he had his family..

“AND DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE LOUISE IS, DAN?! SHE IS BACK WITH HER EX-HUSBAND! SHE HAS BEEN FOR OVER FIVE YEARS NOW! AND WHO WAS THERE TO COMFORT ME? TO HELP ME GET THROUGH A HORRIBLE PERIOD IN MY LIFE? WHO HELPED ME TAKE CARE OF CHELSEA? WHO HELPED RAISE HER? TELL ME, DAN, BECAUSE I REALLY WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHO YOU THINK DID THAT! IT WAS ALL. ME. I WAS ALONE, I HAVE BEEN ALONE AND YOU WEREN’T THERE!” Phil was crying now, too. 

“I’m sorry!” Dan whimpered between his sobs. “I didn’t know any of this. I.. I thought you were happy.. I thought I did the right thing..” 

Phil suddenly attacked Dan. He shoved him. “THE RIGHT THING WAS TO STAY!” he cried and shoved Dan again. And again. Then he hugged Dan.

It was as if time stood still. While Dan felt Phil’s tears streaming along his neck, he still hugged him the same way. A big, warm bear hug. He smelled the same too. A light and flowery scent. Dan grabbed Phil tighter and pulled him against himself. He breathed in hard against Phil’s faded purple T-shirt. 

“Why are you so irresistible? Why am I this weak? I am so mad at you, Dan. SO mad” Phil breathed. 

Dan felt beyond sorry, he didn't deserve Phil's hug but he was holding on, because it was the only thing that could save him right now. Only now did he realize, his jealousy and petty contempt for Louise, his possessiveness over Phil, his blind sighted flight from reality and from his whole life, when Phil and Louise got married. It was the worst mistake he’d made in his life. Even after years of therapy and even with his beautiful and kind, smart and strong girlfriend Scarlett, he had not been able to be happy. Scarlett had realized this too and they mutually ended the relationship, remaining close friends, sometimes with benefits. And Phil? In stead of leaving Phil to his family, not distracting him with his own permanent existential crisis and moods, he had left Phil utterly alone. It hurt Dan so bad, he felt physical pain in his chest and his stomach, and he wanted to just leave this world already but Phil’s hug didn’t let him. Through everything, Phil still desired him.

“I’m so sorry”, Dan kept repeating, while Phil’s hug remained tight and tears continued to stream into Dan’s collar. The two men stood there for hours. Finally, when they were tired from standing, they just dropped to the ground and sat there, and Dan held Phil’s hands in his. 

“I know I don’t deserve you, Phil. But I will do whatever you want. Anything. I know I can never make it right”. 

“Stay”, Phil said softly. 

“I will stay for as long as you..” 

“STAY. FOREVER”, Phil said and looked angrily at Dan. “We have a lot to talk about. I have to explain a lot of things to Chelsea, and you have to get to know her first. And then I will teach you how to be a parent, and you will be amazing because I just know you are. And we will be a family”. 

"Do you really mean that?“ Dan was still sobbing. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

"I do, Dan, and don’t think I’m letting you off the hook. I will be mad at you for at least a year and you BETTER never leave my sight or I will go mad and think this was all a dream. I still can’t believe it. I thought I had done something wrong you know, Dan. I thought I had said something horrible and you left. I thought maybe you thought I’d become ugly and you didn’t want to know me anymore. I spent years analyzing everything I had done and everything you had said before”. 

“No, Phil, no, you are perfect. Perfect” Dan laid his head into Phil’s lap and embraced him for the rest of the night.

Scarlett sat at the breakfast table with a particularly smug look on her face, knowing she had finally been able to make Dan happy. She saw it in his eyes. Her beautiful ex-boyfriend had always been so sad. In spite of his gorgeous appearance, there seemed to be nothing behind his eyes. His shining hair, immaculate clothing style and kind smile could not make up for the death that lay there. But no more. Dan was glowing, his eyes lit up like fire, and he seemed to be amazed by every move Phil made. It was spectacular to see. Chelsea was telling about the animals she’d seen at the zoo the other day and they were laughing.

While Dan was playing with Chelsea, Phil said “thank you, Scarlett. You are a truly good person”. 

“Actually, I partially act because of selfish reasons”, she answered. “I’m looking to write a movie script, and your story.. it’s very inspiring”. Phil grinned. 

“Even so. You’re always welcome here, and I hope you will visit lots of times in the future”. 

“I promise I will”, Scarlett answered. They shook hands and Scarlett quietly left. 

“Dan, Dan! Lion wants to marry you! Watch out, raawrrr!” Scarlett heard before she got back into her car.


End file.
